Welcome back everyone! Believe it or not, we are another week into our reading of Kyle Idleman's book, "Not a Fan."
This week's contributor is Kristen Cortner, and I am so excited to share her honest and encouraging post with you. For those of you who don't know Kristen, she is the beloved wife of our Associate/Youth Pastor, Brady Cortner, and the daughter-in-law of our Senior Pastor and his wife, Kathy. Kristen is a real friend, and a very real person. To know Kristen is to love her. So, with much love, I give you Kristen:
“Jesus won’t share you with another lover (pg. 63).” Well, if that statement doesn’t make you sit up and think you may as well put the book down right now. “Divided affection” is how it was described, harmless enough, then Kyle went on to quote part of Ezekiel 16 which gives us a lot of insight as to how God views this “divided affection.” If you haven’t yet, take a few minutes and read the entire chapter and be prepared to feel uncomfortable...it’s scandalous so hold on to your britches!
Earlier on that same page Kyle describes fans as those that “keep a couch on their hearts and, at the most, give Jesus a cushion.” Sometimes it takes word pictures like that to put things in perspective for me...I imagine Jesus there stuck between my family and friends, getting crowded out. Or him sitting between my tv and computer feeling the squeeze wishing I would give him the same time and attention I give to everything on the waiting room couch...feeling rejected, ignored, replaced. I wonder what other things God has given me that I use to betray him every day.
Conviction. Ugh...sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Jesus wants me, but he doesn’t want half of me. He desires me. He fights for me...but am I willing to fight for him? I’d fight to the death for my children and my husband. I’d sacrifice everything in my life for the sake of them! However, if I’m not willing to fight myself and my selfish desires for Christ, I’ll certainly not be willing to fight for him if it begins to really cost me something.
Then we hit chapter five. Soon I learned that not only am I an adulterer, I’m also a Sadducee (pg. 71)! I was born into “faith.” Raised in a christian home with godly parents religion is something I’ve always had. It’s been relatively easy to live the “christian” life and do (or not do) the appropriate “christian” things.The question is...was/am I doing these things out of routine or is it out of the love I have for God? Is my lifestyle out of desiring to give God glory or simply because it’s just the way it’s always been done? Is my way of life simply “for show (Matt. 23:5)” as Jesus saw with the religious leaders? Am I so focused on the do’s and don’ts of the Christian life that I forget what that life is really about? Difficult questions to ponder...but here is the good stuff...”It’s interesting to note that as severe as Jesus was with these religious leaders he is just as tender and encouraging to those who have genuinely given him their hearts, even if they don’t have it all together on the outside. Please don’t miss this: Jesus doesn’t expect followers to be perfect, but he does call them to be authentic (pg 74).” Authentic huh? How do we know if we are truly authentic in our attitude toward God? Page 77 hits it...“obedience to God comes from the inside out. Submission to what God wants for our lives flows NATURALLY out of that relationship...what we do or don’t do must come from who we are as followers of Jesus.” Does my relationship with Christ lead me to natural submission?
I so enjoy the questions these chapters leave me with...even if they’re a bit convicting. I know I need to be constantly reminded of who I am and how easily I fall into the easy way of doing things instead of making sure that what I am doing is motivated by my love for Christ.
"Conviction. Ugh...sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it." Kristen cracks me up. But in all seriousness, I think we all can relate. As you think about what God is teaching you, please take time to post your own comment. Your comment can be in response to something Kristen has shared and/or something else that you read in Chapters 4-5.
Also, the comments being exchanged between members have been wonderful to see. If you haven't checked in on the comments of the fellow-members of this group, you're missing out! Click on the "comments" section at the bottom of each post to read what other members are saying, and I promise you'll be encouraged.
So that's it for now. This week, we'll be reading Chapters 6-7. Be sure to check back next Wednesday to hear from Lee Anne Dyer! In the meantime, happy reading!
Also, the comments being exchanged between members have been wonderful to see. If you haven't checked in on the comments of the fellow-members of this group, you're missing out! Click on the "comments" section at the bottom of each post to read what other members are saying, and I promise you'll be encouraged.
So that's it for now. This week, we'll be reading Chapters 6-7. Be sure to check back next Wednesday to hear from Lee Anne Dyer! In the meantime, happy reading!
14 comments:
Wow! These two chapters were convicting. I too was brought up in a "Christian" home, but my parents focused on rules over relationship. Atleast that is how I remember it. I always thought that God was ready to pounce on me if I made one false move. I just don't remember talking with them about having a personal relationship with Christ. It wasn't until I became an adult and started really seeking him on my own that my relationship became deeper. Thankyou Kristin for all of your insight. You put it very well.
Kristen I really appreciate you being so candid. It is refreshing. I was taken by the example of John, the man dressed in blue jeans who wanted to have his parking ticket validated. It just shows how a technicality can sometimes get in the way of a relationship. Thank the Lord that He sees past that! Dawn
Very convicting chapters. I was especially struck by the passage where the Texas dad summed up his story with "We raised her in church, but we didn't raise her in Christ." Wow! Growing up in Christian circles, I have seen so many friends come to a crisis of faith and realize that Christianity just wasn't for them. They were sick of going through the motions and felt that Christians were all hypocrites.
I am thankful for parents who encouraged us to make our faith real and challenged us to act on our faith at a young age. But as a mom, I am convicted. Am I raising my kids in a way that demonstrates genuine faith?....or is mommy a hypocrite? Do I care more about what people think my family should look like? or am I more concerned with the character of my kids? I am being challenged to think about my actions and words (especially at home!) through this filter. I want to raise my kids "in church," but I want that to be only a PART of a rich heritage.
Any thoughts? How do we as moms, help encourage our kids to be followers and not just fans? Discuss.....;-)
I really enjoyed these 2 chapters. I come from divorced parents, my father was Catholic and my mother did not practice anything. When she got remarried my step father had us going to church. Honestly it was just going through the motions an act, yeah here we are at church, Woo hoo!
It has been difficult because my husband does not attend church, Joe had a negative experience at his church before we met. As he calls it the "fake Christians" where he saw these people constantly in church and they acted the part so well, but their insides did not match their outsides. It has been hard not having my husband at church with me but he is very supportive. I was actually shocked with how much he knew about the Bible. I wont give up though, one day he will be sitting next to me in church.
I started a journal when Aiden decided he wanted to go to church. What I noticed as I read it the other day was my inability to give up control (total control freak). But as I flipped through the pages, little by little I started relinquishing that control. That is when things started to change. The relationship with my kids was stronger than ever. Things just seemed to start falling into place. I purchased the Not a Fan journal which really puts things into perspective. It has a lot of exercises that really help open your heart and your mind. Thanks for the post Kristen, GREAT job!!!
Hi everyone! Great post, Kristen. These chapters have been a challenge for sure. When I read the phrase about the man who said “he taught his daughter how to do church but not how to live for Christ”, I had to talk to at least one of our kids to make sure they are living their lives for Christ and not because of what the church says or what we think. I still have a couple more to talk with. I want so much for my adult kids and their children to live genuine Christ following lives and not lives where they try to measure up to our expectations or rules a church has set up. I know we raised our children with pretty high standards, but we did try to explain those standards were because of what the Bible says and not because their Dad was a pastor or that is what others expected. I fought a good portion of my life trying to measure up to what others thought and rules that didn’t make sense. I did not want that for my kids. Freedom in Christ is important. Another interesting illustration was the bank teller/strict rule follower and the man in the jeans. I would love to have been there to see the look on her face when he pulled all his money out of the bank! :-) Rules and high standards can be good guidelines but occasionally there has to be flexibility with out compromising what really matters. This illustration also reminded me how we judge people by there status and appearance. I wonder if this man in jeans would have had the exception made if he had been dressed professionally and made know who he was? I am reminded of James 2:1-4 where we are challenged to not treat people with preferential treatment. Another challenge. Even at this point in my life I am challenged daily to be a complete follower of Christ in thought and action! Looking forward to more dialogue.
Hi Stephanie, I just read your post. Well said. I admire your care and love for your son! I went to church by myself until I got married. My parents didn't go to church with me. It was very lonely when I saw so many families. I wanted my parents to be there with me. That particular church was not great about reaching out to others that were different and didn't see to notice a kid coming alone. I tended to march to a little different drum. :-) I am so thankful to now be at church where people do care about anyone no matter who they are. We try really hard to love people that come alone or as a complete family. I hope that you feel that love and acceptance as a little newer person coming with her precious son. Glad you're reading this book. It causes us to reflect and evaluate our lives, for sure! :-)
MOST definitely the most thought-provoking line yet, was the Texas dad's. I read it outloud to my hubs and we just stared at each other!! Wow. I like what Kathy says about making sure her kids knew they had high standards for them bc of the Bible and no other reason. I have found myself just in the last few days rewording some of my "comments" to my kids about their behavior so they understand that I am not just demanding they obey/be kind bc I like to be demanding :)
I think that you nailed one of the major ways to encourage our kids to be followers, Laura. We ourselves cannot be hypocrites. Will we make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY. But even in the mistake, we can show our kids how we honor God as we make right the wrong. And then we pray, pray, pray for wisdom as we parent each moment of every day!!
Great thoughts Laura! We certainly made huge mistakes in raising our kids. Sometimes wrong and sinful motives and actions would creep in. The key however is to be quick to admit our wrong to those precious little ones, ask forgiveness (not just say your sorry). Asking for forgiveness will demand dialogue with them. It is so easy to place unreasonable expectations on our kids, because of what other people might be thinking....actually I discovered most people were not thinking at all what I thought they were thinking. Since we really don't know what others are thinking...we just assume....it is always best to care, discipline and love our children with the Holy Spirits leading......and don't listen to what "we think others" are expecting. Talk about a ramble!!! Hopefully a little sense can be made out of this...after al it is 3:30 am!
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Wow - great discussion! I've been thinking a lot about Laura's desire to demonstrate genuine faith to our children, and about Kristen's comment, "I'd fight to the death for my children and my husband. I’d sacrifice everything in my life for the sake of them!" You may have heard me use this analogy before, but it makes me think of oxygen masks on an airplane. Passengers are always instructed (in the event of an emergency) to apply their own oxygen mask FIRST, before trying to assist even their own children in applying theirs. I believe fighting for our own personal, authentic relationship with Jesus IS essentially fighting to the death for the sake of our children, our husbands, and our world. We need to do whatever it takes to make sure we've got on our oxygen masks because that's the only way we're going to help others (including our children) apply their own. This is an imperfect analogy, however, because it makes us feel like getting people's "masks" on is our responsibility when, in fact, that is a job reserved only for the Holy Spirit. I love the freedom of knowing I am no one's savior (not even my children's). There is only one Savior. But I CAN be a stewardess on the airplane (wearing my oxygen mask of course!) showing others how to find/apply their Savior! I'm not going to be able to show anyone anything if I'm out of oxygen.
Okay, I'm done. I'm sorry. My sister Denise calls me the "queen of analogies." I hope that made sense :)
Anyway, I loved LA and Kathy's comments on this issue too. There is such wisdom in what Kathy said about dialoging with our kids about our mistakes. And, as LA said, "And then we pray, pray, pray..." word to that!
I love your analogy! It made me smile and I love to smile. So well put. It took me a long time to figure out I couldn't save anyone! Keep the oxygen flown! :-)
Okay Gals, here it is the final hour and I am just posting. I have however been seriously pondering all that we read in these chapters over this past week.
For me the "guilt over grace" made my heart cry. I needed to come back, face to face with the fact that I have been hauling around a long list of rules. I really don't believe I've been pretending, for I love Him more than life itself, but I have felt tired, worn out, disappointed with people, and judgmental.
I loved it when Kyle reminded us of Jesus words and I could feel Him saying to me, "Oh Lynne, come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. Watch how I do it... the unforced rhythms of grace." I have known such days... but I've been becoming too busy being busy... His reminder was like a hug from God that I desperately needed this week.
Thanks Kristen for your transparency. I can identify with how easy it is to slip into our familiar Sadducee tunic. It is no fun to wear and He wants us free! ~ Love journeying with you all. :)
Oh Stephanie, one day your dear Joe will be sitting next to you in church!! See, he is now living with the real deal :)...and he is going to want it too!! Love you sweet Gal. Praying till we see that day!
I really enjoyed reading all of the above comments, because I could truly identify with all of you. Laura, you expressed perfectly how I feel about raising my children. These are trying, sometimes ugly times, and I am constantly questioning myself if I am parenting them the right way, the way of Christ. This journey is just beginning for me, so I feel as if I know hardly anything :/ Well, instead of feeling discouraged, I keep reading this book, attending Service and taking notes, and asking questions. Without a doubt, this is where I want to be, where I need to be!! I grew up in a very negative, dysfunctional family. My mother is a believer, my father is not. That divide was very difficult, and eventually led to their divorce. I always wore the mask (page 71), going through the motions, but never felt I was in love with Jesus. During these past 3 years, I have felt his love so much, that my heart has opened a hundred-fold to him. I'm officially done playing the charade, I want to be raised (and raise my children) in Christ :)
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